Growing up in a broken family

I'm always hesitant to share my personal life because I don't know if I should share too much but I decided to.


Truth to be told, I din't have both my mum and dad together in this perfect family tree.

I vividly remember my childhood but I knew my family wasn't the same as my friends family in school growing up. When I was 4 years old, my brother and I had to live with my grandmother in Penang for 2 years. While living in Penang, I remember waiting for my mum to visit on a weekly or monthly basis. She had a full time job as a banker and I don't hear much about my dad from my grandmother or uncle.


My mum usually calls the phone line to talk to us but I never questioned so much when I was younger but I remember crying every time she drives back to KL because she had to work but she always bring back some magazine books or toys to keep us occupied. She usually secretly leaves early at 4am in the morning and the next day i'll be looking for her.


It became a usual lifestyle for me in Penang with my brother, I'll play power rangers and some video games with him and drinking Milo with biscuit will be my favourite snacks every night. While my brother goes to school in the morning, i'll follow my grandmother to send him to school and I'll accompany her to wait for the TOTO lady to come. The TOTO lady visits every house to get the ' lottery number' to bet on a weekly basis. I remember once dreaming about cockroach and they had a book full of pictures and numbers. Surprisingly the picture of cockroach with number I picked was no.1 lottery strike and all my aunties started asking me for a number like I'm some sort of fortune teller. :)


While two years passed by quickly, my mum drove back with my dad to pick us up from Penang and I was so happy that I'll be staying with them again. In reality, we just lived with my mum and I was clueless where my dad was staying. So the routine was I get to see him usually on the weekends and I was always excited to spend my time with my parents together. I thought everything was okay and my dad just had some business trip, so he couldn't stay with us but as I got older and wiser, I knew what was happening.


Every year, on my birthday, I get excited during dinner because I knew my dad was joining us to celebrate and I was always looking forward to spend more time with my dad. Truth to be told, I waited to blow my birthday cake wishing he could spend my birthday with me. I only get a call after it blew my candle and I could only hear my dad wishing me "Happy Birthday baby".


I can't count how many times I celebrated my birthday wishing my dad was there to celebrate with me, my mum and brother. After growing up at 16 years old, I finally understand that my mum secretly sends a text to remind my dad that it was my birthday. Deep down inside, I was heart broken, I received presents as a way to cover my broken heart.


While I continue with my daily routine going to school on a school bus, I see my friends getting dropped to school by their mum or dad and I see that as a luxury because I travel by van and bus and when I was older at 16, I occasionally walk home about 35-40 minutes. I remember getting stopped by a car while it was drizzling, he offered his ride but I declined and walked to another direction.


So throughout the years, I studied hard because I knew I wanted to be better and I pressured myself to get "A" in school. I set high expectations for myself and would get disappointed if I din't get the result the way I want.


I began demanding more, weekly tuition, 7 days a week for 7-8 different subjects and I took piano and violin lessons. Besides that, I picked up Korean and Chinese language and as years passed by, I set higher and higher expectations for myself.


The chapter in everyone's book is definitely different and we grow at different pace, so sometimes don't be too hard on yourself if you can't do it for the first time. Keep trying and keep going because life moves on. :)




My 21st birthday celebrated with my closest friends <3


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